this argumentative essay for my English class, like i said it is on marijuana legislation, if ya have time, read it and give me some tips, maybe something i didn’t think of. really it just needs to be a little longer… but if you guys could help me out it would be awesomesause. here is the paper
I work in a writing center at my college. Like I get paid to be there 20 hours a week. I help people write essays. Just saying this so you know I am qualified to help. You first paragraph reads like a blog entry. You let your bias hit the reader over the head like a hammer. Tone it down a bit, this is a formal paper for an english class. Do not use exclamation points, and avoid using the first person unless a teacher specifically says you can. That includes the words me, I,we, us, and our. This is your thesis “Since this is all hilariously overdramatized, So lets wipe the slate clean, let me show you why the world needs marijuana!” It uses the first person, and is too informal. If I were writing an essay about batman for example. I would not write. “I think batman is totally badass, so let me show you why he is the greatest hero ever created.”
I would instead say something like “Batman is an iconic character that has been around for decades, and he is by far the greatest superhero ever created. “
Thats a stronger thesis. But even then it is a bit broad. So let me show you how I would clarify it. “In the comic world he inhabits, Batman is the physical embodiment of justice, virtue, and human ingenuity.”
That makes the paper more specific. I am not just going to be talking about batman and how great he is. I am talking about specific aspects of why batman is great. So if you applied it to weed, i am sure you can be more specific in your thesis. Instead of simply saying weed is great. Maybe focus on the idea that it should be legalized. That sort of thing.